Who Am I? Really?

I wish there was another time. I wish there was another place. Where I can just go alone to get away from all this pain. I’ve carried this pain for years and years. And it just refuses to disappear. People think that I’m fine when I’m not. All they insist on seeing is a bright, happy, cheerful, intelligent girl. They may see me on the outside like that. But they will never understand the inside. For almost 17 years it’s been nothing but a constant war inside me. Between who I am and who I want to be. People think that I’m understanding and too nice. But the thing is, is that people don’t know who I really am. I don’t even know who I really am. And it’s frustrating. The only thing that I know is that I’m a girl who’s been hurt, torn and scarred. I’ve lived half my life not knowing who I am. And it’s been hard. Yeah I may have great friends. The best ones that I could ever ask for. But they don’t even know the whole story. And if I told them some of the stuff that happened. They wouldn’t believe me. They would have to be there in that moment in time to actually see it with their own eyes to believe it. In my life I have experienced death, and loss, and pain. In this world I have never felt any weaker, but also I’ve never felt  stronger.  Because I know that some how, some way this world has made room for me. And now it’s my turn to find out just what that is. To find who I really am. . The real me. And I won’t stop until I do find her. I’ve been searching to hard and to long to give up now. I will find her. I will find who I really am inside. I will find myself once again. And this time I will not lose her.