The Soul of Friendship

Friends can be hard to find, but once you do, you will never forget them. They become a part of your life. And when that happens it's like your souls become one. You both live off one soul. So when one is hurting the other can feel it to. But it's up to them if they want to do something about it. But the both of you will know how you both are feeling. Even if it's the smallest thing that frustrates you or makes you sad, you both will have to work it out. You both will have to come to and agreement. Because a friendship is not worth ending over something small and maybe even pointless. Friendships are the best thing in the world to have. There are some people out there who have no friends or don't even know the meaning of the word friend. So I don't know about you, but I consider myself lucky to have such great friends like I do. And my friends after a while become like family to me. Like brother and sisters to me. And yeah we may have our ups and downs. But I know that I would be willing to work them out. And I'm sure my friends would be willing to. I don't believe in giving up on friendships. And I never will. That's just who I am. Especially if you've been friends with them for a really long time. Then you definetly might want to think about your desison carefully. But no matter how mad or sad you may be. Don't listen to your head or other people. Listen to your heart. Your heart will know the true answer. So just look within yourself and you will find your answer sooner or later. Your heart will always lead you in the right direction.

Do you really know me??

Do you really know who I am?
Do you know that I have scars,
that are not visible to the human eye?
Do you know that I've been hurt time and time again?
Do you know that when I smile at you it's just to hide the true pain on the inside?
Do you know that when I'm with you, you make me feel alright for once in my life?
Do you know that I can't hold myself togather much longer?
Do you know that I opened up and let you in?
Did you know that I use to be real strong and stand real tall?
Did you know that I can't sleep at night and that's why I'm up all the time?
Did you know that I'm torn to pieces?


Now all that's left of me is what I pretend to be.
Sewn togather but so broken up inside.

But I do know this. You will never get to see the tears that I cry.

Who Am I? Really?

I wish there was another time. I wish there was another place. Where I can just go alone to get away from all this pain. I’ve carried this pain for years and years. And it just refuses to disappear. People think that I’m fine when I’m not. All they insist on seeing is a bright, happy, cheerful, intelligent girl. They may see me on the outside like that. But they will never understand the inside. For almost 17 years it’s been nothing but a constant war inside me. Between who I am and who I want to be. People think that I’m understanding and too nice. But the thing is, is that people don’t know who I really am. I don’t even know who I really am. And it’s frustrating. The only thing that I know is that I’m a girl who’s been hurt, torn and scarred. I’ve lived half my life not knowing who I am. And it’s been hard. Yeah I may have great friends. The best ones that I could ever ask for. But they don’t even know the whole story. And if I told them some of the stuff that happened. They wouldn’t believe me. They would have to be there in that moment in time to actually see it with their own eyes to believe it. In my life I have experienced death, and loss, and pain. In this world I have never felt any weaker, but also I’ve never felt  stronger.  Because I know that some how, some way this world has made room for me. And now it’s my turn to find out just what that is. To find who I really am. . The real me. And I won’t stop until I do find her. I’ve been searching to hard and to long to give up now. I will find her. I will find who I really am inside. I will find myself once again. And this time I will not lose her.

These Scars

I may not see them but they're there. And you will never understand why. You came into my life and made me feel like myself again. I felt whole when you were with me. And then you had to leave. You left because you thought it was best. But you thought I was strong. And you left me on my own. But here I stand with these scars bleeding out. And no one can help me heal but you. You refuse to come back because you know it's true. That half of these scars are because of you. And I still remember how you smelled, and how you use to kiss me at night. And how you use to make me feel alright. But without you I'm just a girl who's scars are going to bleed forever. You are the only one who can take this pain away. And until you do. I'll be waiting. Here until you come or until god says it's my time to go. Because I will never love another like I loved you.

The Heart of Me

I have been put down, I have been messed with and torn, I have been shattered and broken. I have been left like that for many years now. And nobody has been able to help me because half of me is missing. It always will be missing. I will never be a whole person. A lot of people don't know what it's like being abandend. But for those of you that have been then you know what I mean. I will never really find out who I really am because half of me is missing. And it's been missing for a little over 16 years now. Without the other half of me, how am I suppose to really know who I am? Or who I could become when I grow up, Or what I'm even capable of anymore? Bottom line is........... My whole life it's been a constant war in my heart and my soul. Trying to find out who I am on my own because a lot of people don't understand me. But when you've been abandend it's not something you can just put a band-aid on. It scares you for life. And that's the way it will stay. That mark will always be there to prove that you survived it. You will not be able to see it but it's there. Some people wear it proudly and others still don't know. Just like me. But one day I will find out. And when I do everyone will see that I could do it. Even if I only know who half of me is. I look at it as I have half of the map already and now it's my turn to finish what I've started, but this time do it my way and no one elses.

My BFF's For Life

I have a BFF who understands me. They also get who I am. They understand the pain that I go through. They are there to support me when I need them. I love them all. They are the best friends that anyone could ask for. I'm blessed with them and I thank god everyday for them. They are not only my bff's, but they are like family to me. They mean that much to me. And I know that I mean the same thing to them. To all my BFF's you all know who you are!!! Luv you all! <3

Half Alive

I've learned how to live half alive for many different reasons. Half my heart is missing because each break up or each person that I'm close to, they leave me. I'm not a whole person. Half of where my heart should be there is nothing but emptiness, darkness. Because the person that you loved the most took you for everything you got. I'm not human and I'm not a monster. I'm simply someone of the past who is half alive. The only way I survive is by support. I get support by other people. If it wasn't for those people I would not be here right now. All those people fill the other half of my heart to make it a whole. But they only do it for a little while, and then the emptiness and the darkness consumes me. I'm only half alive but I'm still standing. And I'm gonna live half alive for a long time.

11/11/11

Today is a day to remember. Today is the day where we devote our love and time to all those who have fallen for our beautiful country. We would not have our country today if it wasn't for those who were brave enough to fight. The people that fought gave up everything. Families, children, etc. They gave it all up because they knew that if they didn't there would not be a home for them pretty soon. Today we should all be thankful for what we have, because they are the reason why we are all here today. We would not be here if they had not sacraficed so much. You all should devote a moment of silence and love towards those who have fallen to protect you and millions of others in battle for our country. I don't know about you, but this country would not even exisit if it was not for them. Think about it.

My Fairytale

Everybody has a Fairytale. Whether it's good or bad. Girls want the night in shining armor and the noble white horse to carry them to the castle. I want neither. I beileve in the power of friendship and in love and that will save you. I'm not going to wait around for some prince. I'm going to save myself. Not only from the problem I'm facing but I'm also saving my self from a heart ache later. You see not ever Fairytale has a happy ending. And mine didn't. I use to be the princess who always got swept off her feet. Until one day another princess shouted in distress and my prince left me. So you see Fairytales aren't the best of things to think your life as. Because almost everyending has a heartbreak. And very rarely does it have a happy ending. So don't waste your time.

Stuck

Friendships can be easy and friendships can be hard, but when you're stuck in the middle it hurts you bad. You want to be with both friends and do whatever you can to help, but they refuse. I don't know if it's because they're scared or they're just too upset. But it matters to you because you're stuck in the middle. You want to hang out with this friend but the other friend doesn't like it. You want to hang out with the other friend, but this friend doesn't like it. When you are almost torn to choose between two people it hurts. But I don't see it that way. I don't choose between friends. I keep them both. I could never loose my friends. I help them when they need me, I love talking and having fun with them. Yeah we might have our ups and downs but we get through and we're fine again. Just because you've hit a rough bump in your friendship doesn't mean the friendship is over. And it doesn't mean that you stop caring. It means that when you get through this bump in your friendship it will only make you stronger and bring you guys closer togather. But it will take time, and work, and paticence, and you have to be commited. Whether your friend chooses to meet you half way that's their choice. But don't give up until you try and I don't mean try once or twice. Try your hardest. Put your heart and soul into it. Then you will see if your friendship is really ment to be.

What Life Is

Life is a work of art. The most complicate but yet beautiful creation. And to tamper or mess with it would be wrong. When you mess with someones feelings it hurts. Especially when you don't know them that well. To lie to them when they trusted you. It hurts. Trust is not just a piece of paper you can just make holes in everytime you lie about something. Trust is in your heart and your soul. Each time you lie to that person it rips them inside. And they will feel the hurt and they will feel the pain. But what will the person who did it to you feel? They won't feel sorry. They won't see why it hurt you. They won't get the whole idea. Because they think that what they did is not wrong. They will never understand unless they are actually u.

Dad's. Who needs them?

I'm not trying to offend anybody but that is my question. I don't have a dad. I never really had a dad since I was little. And honestly if I would have had a dad in my life today I wouldn't be the person I am today. And I am happy with who I am and so are my friends. My mom has raised me my whole life. And she's done a damn good job. I haven't had a dad since I had my grandfather. My grandpa was like my father to me and he was the one like my mom setting examples. My grandma did it to. Those were the people who made me the person I am today. And for that I'm truly greatful. Especially my mom and my grandpa.

Changing

Life is always going to change wheather we're willing to work with it or not. But if you work with change trust me it's a lot easier. But sometimes you have to take the hard road and not follow. You have to take the road less traveled by. And when you take the harder road I gurantee that it will make you a stronger and better person. Who learns from their expirences and mistakes. I want to challenge you people who have done that. Be willing to share your expirence with friends and family. I gurantee that you will help change and make people's lives better. Try the challenge and you will to see that you will change a little more because of the greatness you will spread around the world. You should be proud of yourself. As am I proud of everyone who takes on this challenge. Good Luck!

A Gift

Did all of you know that friendship is a gift whether we know it or not? We are all blessed to be who we are today. Yes we might have some flaws and some other stuff. But if it wasn't for God and our parents we would not be who we are today. I don't know about you but I thank god everyday for making me the person I am today. And that itself truly is a gift. Just like how God made everyone different uniqely. And that to is a gift. So don't hide your gift. Be yourself and no one else and you will see that people will like you better for who you are not what you want to be. And then you to will learn that you are a gift from god.

I'm Blessed

I'm blessed. And so are a lot of other people but they don't realize it. Even though some people see their lives take a turn for the better. When that happens they think that they finally did something right and they think that it's all them. I'm sorry, but that can happen on occasions when god leaves it up to you to decide. But the rest, the rest comes from the desicions god makes. I belive that there is one god and that he is up above. And I know where I'm going when I die. I know that god loves me.

Memories (your lucky)

We all must remember that memories last forever and life doesn't. Even when there is no life we will always have the memories. A picture may be worth a thousand words but memories never stop. Whether they're vivd memories, dim memories, or just a part of one. At least you have a memories to carry with you. Some good and some bad.There are children out there who have no memories. Children who have no family, home, food, love, care. The only memory that they will grow up with is the ache of a broken heart and hunger in their bellies and sickness in their health and possibly death in their wake. If you agree with what I say please consider yourself as one of my followers on my blog. And togather we can stand and make a better future not just for us but for millions around the world. I don't care if your big or small. Young or old. Gay or not. It doesn't matter. Because in the end. We'll all need each other. We just don't know it yet. And when it comes. We all have to be ready. Or we may not survive.

Rejection

Rejection. We all at one point and time in our lives have to face rejection. Some more then others, and more frequent. But the worst of it is. When you actually get rejected because you succeeded, and everyone else is proud of you but that person. If your really close to that person the rejection feels like a ton of bricks that just land on you all at once and you don't know how, when, or even where to go from here. But I have learned that life must go on no matter what. There are good things and there are bad things. Life is an on going expirence and we all have our role to play. You all have to remember as they say in theater "The Show Must Go On."

People Around The World

This is for people around the world. Each person is that person for a reason. So don't hate. It's like don't judge a book by it's cover. My advice. Just be yourself and no one else. Then they will truely love you for who you are. Not someone you wish you could be.